CajunKnight needs prayers

[Archena]

Re: CajunKnight needs prayers

Still praying for you.

[james]

Re: CajunKnight needs prayers

We'll be here, waiting to hear from you.
James

[CajunKnight]

Re: CajunKnight needs prayers

biopsy done and now we wait. cancer cofirmed. md anderson is next step to getting this oven builder back on right track

[mfiore]

Re: CajunKnight needs prayers

There you go, Travis. One step at a time! You'll be slinging pizza into an oven in no time!

[krosskraft]

Re: CajunKnight needs prayers

Thanks for your honesty, bravery and faith in the Lord, and thanks for continuing to live, even when you know the time is short. Our hearts go out to you. 2 Timothy 4:18 says "The Lord will deliver me from every evil deed, and will bring me safely to His heavenly kingdom; to Him be the glory forever and ever, Amen."

[CajunKnight]

Re: CajunKnight needs prayers

Thursday, August 28, 2008, 11:10 PM
Again I beg for forgiveness for having called some of you and not all of you. My hope is that you will understand how incredibly difficult this is to continually discuss and face. As most of you know Travis had the brain biopsy this morning. He handled the procedure well, at least as well as could be expected. He was in good spirits when I last saw him between 5 & 6 this evening, part of that may have been caused by the morphine, I'm not sure. He is in ICU until at least tomorrow when they will either release him or move him to a room on the floor for 2 additional days of observation. I hate ICU because their visiting hours are ridiculous. Every 4 hours for an hour. For me it was most difficult because my husband is terrified and I'm not there to comfort him. And I sit here at this computer terrified and he is not here to comfort me. I was just too tired physically and emotionally to make the last allowed visit of the day at 9 pm but he understood.

I had the distinction of delivering the news to him around 11:30 when he was awake and coherent. Of course by then most of my tears had subsided, until I saw his trickle down the sides of his face. His response was "We knew this Mama. We knew it was cancer." I cradled his tear stained face in my hands and pulled him as close to me as possible and whispered "yes, I know Daddy...I know." We quietly cried as the news slapped us hard in the face and the reality that we thought we were facing made itself so painfully apparent. We will know the name of the cancer sometime tomorrow as well as the grade. I've already begun the process of contacting MD Anderson to determine when we can begin the trek to Houston. They will contact me within the next 48 hours. In my research I've found a couple of different treatments they offer that may extend his life to 19 - 24 months. While that does offer me some hope, it does not take away the intense pain of knowing that I will lose him. It's my turn to fall to pieces so please bear with me. I've held this in for over a month since we began this journey through hell together.

In the span of one month, I have watched my husband slowly disintegrate before my eyes. I've watched him become weaker physically and have had to begin the process of caring for his most basic needs. The man who held me together for 12 years now requires that I hold him up to steady his gate. I have to cut his food up into manageable pieces because he is unable. I have to shower him and dress him. I'm long past the point of not crying in front of him. I cry when I need to because he needs to know how much I adore him and how much this emotional pain he is feeling is also felt by me. I refuse to pretend to be strong to spare his feelings because he's hurting just as much as
I am.

I'm angry that I am not going to be allowed to grow old with this man. I'm angry that our grandchildren will never know the kindness and goodness that hides deep inside of him. I'm angry that there were times he made it hard to love him, but I still did. I'm angry that I didn't pay closer attention to what I now know were symptoms. Why didn't I force him to seek medical attention sooner? What could I have done to help catch this sooner?

And even in my anger, I can find Praise. In my anger I am reminded of what Christ gave up for me. And for Travis and for everyone else reading this now. In my pain, I can only try to imagine what God when through to create a Son only to have that Son give His life so that I may have everlasting life. And my husband may have everlasting life. At no point in time have either of us been angry with Christ. Christ didn't do this to us. He's the reason we haven't both had nervous breakdowns. When we can't find the strength to go forward, He provides it for us. At no point have we said "why him?" We have said "why not him." I know that the Father will not give me more than I can bear. I know this. It's just sometimes it does feel like it is more than I can take. When those moments happen, I sit quietly and listen. Be still and know that I am here. That's what He says. Be still. If I haven't learned anything else from this torture, I've learned how to be still.

On August 8, Travis and I lay in bed and prayed for his healing. But I also told Christ that if taking my husband from me would serve His purpose, then I willingly give him up. On August 16th, as we lay in bed together praying for his healing, he willingly gave himself if it will serve His purpose. And in that joint willingness to serve Christ, we found peace even if it was only for a moment. There was peace.

Part of me never wants to get this close to another human being again because this pain is intense and I'm not sure I could ever go through this again. The other part is reminded that my job as a Christian is to love. And to be the face of Christ to my fellow man. To show non Christians what love really is all about. It's not about being selfish. It's about giving. The human side of us wants to keep what we think is ours. HE'S MY HUSBAND DAMN IT! WE ARE SUPPOSED TO GROW OLD TOGETHER AND RAISE OUR FAMILY AND BE A PART OF OUR GRANDCHILDREN'S LIVES! But the Christ follower side reminds me that in my anger and pain and frustration, I am to love. I have been loved. Even when it was difficult to love me, I have been loved.

We waste so much time in our daily lives squabbling over petty issues instead of showing the love that we feel. We feel uncomfortable telling people that we love them and are happy that we've been given the chance to know them. We think that we can get through this world alone and wrapped up in our own little cocoons so that we won't be touched by anything bad. Let me tell you, bad things happen every single day to a whole lot of people. You all have choices to make with how you choose to live your lives. You can choose to keep to yourself and hide from emotions and feelings, or you can put yourself out there and take a chance. What's the worst that can happen? You find love? You find
acceptance? You find peace and joy? And if you are rejected, are you rejected because of the walls you build around yourself to insulate against pain? Or are you rejected because Satan likes to keep you to himself? This life can be taken from you at a moment's notice. Travis and I have been given a luxury of knowing that our time together is limited. We can make sure that these days are filled with doing what is right for each other. And if that means that I completely and totally surrender to the
vows I made to him on May 16, 1998 then that is exactly what I choose to do. Because I love him just that much. And if it means that I completely and totally surrender myself to Christ then that is also what I will do because I love Him just that much.

His promise to us: Jeremiah 29:11 (New International Version)
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future."

Travis and I are banking on that promise. The promise of hope and a future. Whether it is together here on earth or together in heaven. We have Christ's promise. It's pretty easy to get in on that promise...all you have to do is admit that you're a sinner and you need Christ in your life. And you accept that He died to pay the price for your sin. That's it...simple isn't it?

Update: 09/05/08

We survived the hurricane and are waiting for the hospital to regain power so that we can get a copy of the pathology report as well as the pathology slide to send to MD Anderson. His body is giving into the paralysis more and more each day and we are going to have to put him in a wheelchair in order for him to travel more than 20 feet. Please continue to remember him in prayer.

[telehort]

Re: CajunKnight needs prayers

Yvonne,
Words don't cover the emotions I feel for you and CK as I read this tread. We are an odd group of people spread around the world with a common interest which brings us to this forum for information, but what we find is a friendship with each other that ties us together in ways that can't be described. It may not help, but know that in your pain, there are many of us who have been touched by these posts and by the courage you and CK are showing by fighting this.
I am just a guy out in California, but you both will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Wishing you peace and comfort
Scott

[Dutchoven]

Re: CajunKnight needs prayers

Yvonne and Travis
Our thoughts and prayers are with you too. God works wonders through those people at MD Anderson.
Wishing you both only the best
Dutch

[Frances]

Re: CajunKnight needs prayers

Its difficult to know what to say... But a lot of people around the world are thinking of you at this time. Its the best we can do from a distance.

[BrianShaw]

Re: CajunKnight needs prayers

Please continue to remember him in prayer.

Can do. Will do!

[CajunKnight]

Re: CajunKnight needs prayers

Say it with me....anaplastic astrocytoma. That's the name of the cancer that's in Travis' brain. It's treatable, he will have years instead of months oh yeah, and we are reporting to MD Anderson on Monday September 15th at 8 a.m. It's NOT Glioblastoma although that is the next stage of this type of cancer....and that's the good news because currently according to the pathology report...it is completely self contained and is NOT spreading as we were told 2 weeks ago. Hmmmmm....seems that Christ has stepped in here wouldn't you say? We are still on the emotional roller coaster and that will probably never end but after I explained the difference to my husband between the two, he started crying and said "We're seeing a miracle here." Yes, I agree especially since almost immediately my cell phone rang and it was MD Anderson wanting to do the intake information. They assured me that even if hurricane Ike heads to Houston, they are completely self contained and have their own power source and it will be like nothing happened other than rain. They are a "city within a city." The last hurricane that came near them closed the clinic for one day and the hospital continued to run at full capacity like nothing ever happened. That makes me more comfortable.

So...to update your prayers one slight change....I am still taking him out of Louisiana this week, I'd like to get him out of here by Wednesday...and I need people in agreement with me that Christ will provide the financial support that we need while waiting for the AFLAC checks to begin arriving. Which by the way we got all the info we needed for them so we meet with the rep tomorrow to get that all going. It will take a couple of weeks for the money to arrive so that's why we need prayer for financial support until AFLAC kicks in and I will be able to support the both of us in Houston.

More later

Cajun and the Mrs.

[sarah h]

Re: CajunKnight needs prayers

It sounds pretty ironic to say I'm happy to hear your latest news, given that it's cancer ... but that's terrific news to hear it's treatable!
I really do know the emotional roller coaster you are on since I have been misdiagnosed three separate times with dire predictions each time (all false). Just take a deep breath, put one foot in front of the other, and take it from there to do what needs doing to get Travis treated and well again. It may be seem like a long haul at times - just keep your eye on the prize! We'll be thinking of you both all the way through.
I'm looking forward to the day I hear the oven's started - then I'll know things are really good again!

Best wishes,
Sarah

[krosskraft]

Re: CajunKnight needs prayers

That's hopeful news! We will be eager to follow your adventure in faith. You do have an anchor of your soul that can withstand hurricane forces!

[Frances]

Re: CajunKnight needs prayers

That latest news made me feel so much better, sitting here half way round the world from you... I can only imagine what it must feel like to you. I'm very happy for you!

[PizzaPolice]

Re: CajunKnight needs prayers

Great news! Good things can happen! I'm very happen for you and your family.
Yesterday they installed a neurostimulator along my spine to lessen the intractable pain. So far, it's working. (Hmm no emoticon for Fingers Crossed) I'm PizzaPolice 2.0 now.
Physical Therapy. Travis. Don't know if you have ever been there. Five 3-4 months session for me over 4 1/2 years. There, you will see folks from every walk of life with every kind of physical malady. Some will be slackers and do the minimum. Others will be complainers and bitch the entire time. They are the minor work injury people looking for a few weeks off or the knee replacement people who just won't follow the program because it hurts. WAH! You only get back what you put in.
Align yourself with the positive, always trying patients. You'll see all kinds of motivational posters and perhaps pictures of successful former patients posted on the walls.
These are proof that good outcomes happen. Like me, YOU will have to try harder than anyone in the room. If they say 10 reps, you do 10. Correctly, slowly and smoothly. You will sweat. You may want to grab a towel as you come in. People ask why. I say fat guys sweat. (Pain causes me to sweat if I stand too long)
Horrible truth. Your balance sucks and your body will try to compensate. You'll find yourself lurching or leaning one way to get your Benedict Arnold body to do normal things. I found that those silly core exercises were my greatest ally. Strong abdominals go a long in assisting the weakened parts.
You will not like that part. They take time to develop and if done correctly, you'll be grimacing, making guttural sounds and sweating up a storm.
Some parts won't come back. Simple truth. Concentrate on the stuff you can do (weight training - aerobics, if possible) and this will help with your Positive Mental Attitude.
There will be a lot of gray days where you find yourself shaking your fist at the clouds. It's normal. Beat it back with positive thoughts and most of all HUMOR. Laugh at yourself. Be amazed at what you can still do.
Out in public, I look like a sweaty,foot dragging beast, belching noises - Oh AH MMM MMM. Quite similar to a worn out steam engine on its' last mile searching for a water tower on a 15 percent grade. I'll catch someone's eye. As they quickly avert their eyes, I'll say something "Hey! We really are fun to watch! Usually, that lets them off the hook. It's all about fitting in.
Lastly, Your best and greatest support system is your loving wife and family.
Reading Yvonne's posts assure me (misting up here) you couldn't be in a better surrounding. I, too have a beautiful loving wife who has the patience of Job. As screwed up as your body is, you sir, are one of the luckier people on the planet.

PizzaPolice 2.0