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Jack Handey

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  • Jack Handey

    I always thougth the old "Deep thoughts by jack handey" were pretty funny...in a sick way.

    Some of my favorites..

    A man doesn't automatically get my respect. He has to get down in the dirt and beg for it.

    Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself. mankind. Basically its made up of two separate words, "Mank", and "Ind." What do these words mean? Its a mystery, and thats why so is mankind.

    I guess of all my uncles, I liked uncle caveman the best. We called him uncle caveman because he lived in a cave, and because sometimes he'd eat one of us. Later on we found out he was a bear.
    "Pizza, the world's most perfect food."

  • #2
    Re: Jack Handey

    Funny stuff JNKY. I remember the old SNL gags, but not quite that well. You must be refreshing your memory from someplace.

    More? Please?
    Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.



    • #3
      Re: Jack Handey

      When I saw the new humor post, It made me think of SNL. I actually found the jack handey posts by serfing the net. (Gotta love the web)

      "How come the dove gets to be the peace symbol? How about the pillow? It has more feathers than the dove, and it doesn't have that dangerous beak."

      If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people, like I am now.

      You know one thing that will really make a woman mad? Just run up and kick her in the butt. (P.S. This also works with men.)
      "Pizza, the world's most perfect food."


      • #4
        Re: Jack Handey

        Just in case there are more Jack Handey fans out there, here is one of my favorites...

        I remember that one fateful day when Coach took me aside. I knew what was coming. "You don't have to tell me," I said. "I'm off the team, aren't I?" "Well," said Coach, "you never were really ON the team. You made that uniform you're wearing out of rags and towels, and your helmet is a toy space helmet. You show up at practice and then either steal the ball and make us chase you to get it back, or you try to tackle people at inappropriate times." It was all true what he was saying. And yet, I thought something is brewing inside the head of this Coach. He sees something in me, some kind of raw talent that he can mold. But that's when I felt the handcuffs go on.
        "Pizza, the world's most perfect food."


        • #5
          Re: Jack Handey

          It's a shame that entire families can be torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs.

          It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

          I hope that someday we will be able to put away our fears and prejudices and just laugh at people.

          Laurie got offended that I used the word "puke." But to me, that's what her dinner tasted like.

          Yeah! Jack Handey.
          Orrin Dean

          Excuse me. I'm new at this.