Re: God's Biblical Laws
Mary returned home to the West Coast of Eire, after living in England for years.
"Bejebus, you've done well for your self Mary. Big Mercedes car, fur coat and diamond necklace." Said her old Grandma, " How did you manage it ?"
" I'm sorry to say that I became a Pr-" That's as far as she got when Grandma burst into tears and calling for the Priest.
Father Fagin duly arrived and took Mary into the Best Room and said " I hear that you have done a dreadful thing Mary ."
" I'm sorry Father Fagin, but I'm just a girl from the country and with little schooling. I had to earn a living, I couldn't be a nurse 'cos blood makes me faint, so I did the only thing that simple good looking girl could do and became a prostitute."
" A prostitute, is that all ! Your Granny will be relieved, she thought that you had become a Protestant ! ! "
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Re: God's Biblical Laws
George the plumber died, and due to a muck up by St.Peter he got sent to Hell instead of Heaven.
When he got there he fixed the water pipes, the air con., the showers & even the WC.
Later when God discovered St.Pete's mistake he demanded that Old Nick return George the plumber to Heaven where he belonged, or God would sue the Devil, to which Old Nick burst out laughing " What ! You sue me ? Where are you going to get a lawyer ?!? "Leave a comment:
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Re: God's Biblical Laws
I wasn't sure where to put this one so I guess it might fit here...in the immortal words of Billy Joel "I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints...the sinners are much more fun..."
There was this small church down in Texas that had a very big-busted
Organist. Her breasts were so huge that they bounced and jiggled while
she played the organ. Unfortunately, she distracted the congregation
considerably.
The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to
be done about this or they would have to get another Organist.
So, one of the ladies approached her very discreetly and told her to
mash up some green Persimmons and rub them on the nipples of her breasts
and maybe they would shrink in size, but warned her to not eat any of the
green Persimmons, though, 'because they are so sour they will make your
mouth pucker up and you won't be able to talk properly for a while'.
She agreed to try it.
The following Sunday morning the minister got up in the pulpit and
said.....
'I am thowwy! Dew to thircumthanthis bewond my contwol, we will not hath a thermon
tewday."Leave a comment:
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Re: God's Biblical Laws
Last year on the way to the Bonnaroo music festival we saw a sign at a nearby church that said:
We all got a good chuckle out of it - and we continued on into the festival. So I know where I'm going!"Jerry Garcia, Jimi Hendrix & Janis Joplin are all in HELL. Are you next?"
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Re: God's Biblical Laws
There's plenty of fire down in hell. I wonder if they're cooking and eating pizzas ? Might be a fun place, full of hookers and drunks.Leave a comment:
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Re: God's Biblical Laws
[QUOTE=krosskraft;53822]the whole purpose of the Law is to prove that no one can make it by keeping the LawQUOTE]
I'm safe with the rest of you then...I was worried about offending with all these burnt offerings from the WFO and such!
(keep stirring the billie...the plot thickens!)Leave a comment:
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Re: God's Biblical Laws
Oohhhh... ..Honestly... I was just going for the laughs......
How 'bout them S.E.A.L.s?Leave a comment:
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Re: God's Biblical Laws
Wow, this topic is hotter than a plasma fire heating up the oven. I have to weigh in just a bit....everything that everyone has said is true. One detail, from a Christian point of view, is that the whole purpose of the Law is to prove that no one can make it to God by keeping the Law, and that is why we need a Savior, who comes not to condemn but to save. The way its written in the Bible, the Law was crucified with Christ, so that the righteouesness we must live in now is not our own but the righteousness of Christ. It is really a challenge to keep that perspective in mind, especially since the Law is good and does protect society and individuals.
Having said that, I hope everyone had a wonderful Easter. And thanks, Xabia Jim, for bringing up such a "hot" topic!Leave a comment:
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Re: God's Biblical Laws
Not sure about Banana Benders holding forth on National Attributes my friend. Crikey mate, where would you and I fit in?
Possibly as 'last man standing' - and with a grin,(ah, gin) and vodka, eh.
(Now that should draw the crabs).
Tread warily.
Lovelly Jeff.Leave a comment:
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Re: God's Biblical Laws
I'm told that in Heaven
all the police are British,
all the cooks are Italian,
all the mechanics are German,
all the lovers are French
and everything is organized by the Swiss.
But in Hell,
all the police are German,
all the cooks are British,
all the mechanics are French,
all the lovers are Swiss
and everything is organized by the ItaliansLeave a comment:
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Re: God's Biblical Laws
Just remember it's the Humor postings eh?
Take it with a good grain of Himilayan Salt....Leave a comment:
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